אני לדודי

My daughters,


This year I have been doing something new. When I say a prayer over you at Shabbat, I say a prayer for your soulmate, whomever that may turn out to be. This idea was planted by a trip leader in Israel and has stuck with me. I hope and imagine that your soulmates' mothers are blessing them as well. My hope is that they are loved and cherished wherever they are. That they grow to be respectful and kind and that they merit to deserve your love.

I know something about this. To you my husband is your father. Daddy. He is there to drive you places, cook our food, remind you to do things like say "thank you" and put your laundry away. He always there for you. When I am off to work, he tucks you in, brushes your teeth, helps you pick out your clothes for tomorrow. But to me he is something more.

I often think of my husband in terms of being my beshert (I know that is Yiddish but to me it is the best word - as I often say in my letters to you, words often fail the meaning of the heart, but we do our best). He is, truly, my other half.  In a very meaningful and real way, the entire course of my life was altered by our meeting, recognizing each other and, after some time, joining together under the chuppah.

When I do refer to him in these terms, as my soulmate, or as you hear me call to him as dodi, depending on my audience some people seem amused by this. In fact, I have been met with laughter on occasion. But this is cynicism and is of no consequence. He is my soulmate, and that is fact. The point of faith I wish to share with you is that this does exist. It is real. However, no one's actual life is like a Hallmark movie or a Jane Austin novel. I think we demonstrate this to you every day but if it is not clear, please understand the gift of finding one's soulmate is much like the rest of life. It is not without work. It does require effort. Some days more effort than others. And a relationship demands some creativity as well.  John Gray in his book Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, imparts that "The secret of forming a successful relationship is for both partners to win." Like I said, this will take creativity.

There are many parts to a wedding ceremony, each with its own meaning and significance. And the final part takes place under the chuppah, a home of sorts, where two people come together to no longer be separate but are joined as one. Each day is an opportunity to reunify. For in this life we are separate. Sometimes, you may have noticed, your father and I may appear opposite. This used to bother me. Worry me. But I am learning that we are two halves and therefore not meant to be the same. Besides, where would be the elevation and growth without these differences? There was a magic about the chuppah that I carry with me to this day. And each day is a time to help build ourselves up and grow together. We are Blessed by our differences as much as by our unity.

In looking at the text on the original relationship of Adam and Chava they seem to make a mess of it right away. She takes the fruit that is forbidden and gives it to Adam. He blames her for it when Hashem questions him. Then they have to leave their home. For good. So for one thing, we learn, even in Eden, we are able and maybe prone to make mistakes. In other words, sitting around and thinking about, "If I only had this....money, home, stuff....all would be easy and well." This is not true and not our journey. Because even when we had everything possible we could look for more and in so doing, make a poor choice. On this note, not that it was a choice, almost three months ago now my husband lost his "job." Not even close to Eden. And the truth is I have never been happier and never been more in love. So it is not the stuff.

We do make mistakes, we disagree, we defend and we blame. But we talk about it, we admit our faults and we grow together. To build and reunify again and again. We forgive and we move forward. And above all we really do love each other.

My prayer for you both, G-d willing, is to find your beshert in G-'d's time. That you, my daughters, and your other halves out there - wherever they may be - that you all grow up surrounded by love and respect. In the meantime, I will try to do my part to give you the best (and most realistic) view of a happy marriage that I can.

We are so Blessed to have each other. That we live as we do, safe and Loved, beyond measure.
These are my thoughts today, your father's birthday. May you always know, deep down, how loved your are. May you know love and be as content with your dodi as I have been Blessed to be.

Love, always,


Mama