Darling Marcella,
I don’t know what in the world I did with my life five years and one day ago….but the last five years have been so rich and full. I cannot imagine my life without you in it. It is like it just began 5 years ago today.
Sometimes I seem to hurry through life. Go here, do this, finish that. But last night I set aside time. I built a dollhouse. Daddy tried to help but….well, you know I am stubborn. For some reason it seemed like a girls gift. For some reason, I wanted to build it myself. Years from now, I don’t know if you will remember the dollhouse or what will come of it, but I will remember it.
As I built it I thought of the child I once was, playing with a doll house at Aunt Bette’s house in Nebraska. I could spend hours playing with it. The possibilities of life seemed endless to me then. So much has happened since, some pleasant and wonderful, some not so much. Like every parent, I suppose, I have a child and I want to impart all these lessons on you. Protect you from life harshness, but let you see it’s wonder. I want you to know what roads not to take without experiencing any skinned knees or heartache of your own. Teach you to be safe and smart and make wise decisions. Or make them for you while I can. Give you everything, without spoiling you at all. I guess I am still trying to make believe in some ways.
The thing is, I love you….beyond reasoning really. Enough to want to make the impossible seem probable. Enough to plan in hopes and dreams and wishes. Enough to open my heart back to that cozy space that was reserved for Aunt Bette’s warm kitchen, doll house, great big hugs and endless supply of Bess’ fudge. Parts of my heart that I thought were broken and swept away are aired out and quite full again. This is Love that is not because of something you do or don’t do. It just is here, for you, and always.
So about you, as a person….You are too smart. A little scary actually, how smart you are. Quite sensitive to sugar highs and lows. Gorgeous….incredibly gorgeous. Creative. Hilarious. A bit tempestuous, but mature enough to reason with if you aren’t overtired. You are kind in a naturally sweet way rather than a learned way. You are strong but still sensitive behind that. For that I hope you know what I did not at your age. That your father and I love you, unconditionally, and no matter what.
I love you my sweet girl. I am yours,
Mama
Mama
